The poem is about a phase in my life that I consider very dear to me, and also the most excruciating. Writing this poem almost felt like catharsis. The cover photo is an artwork I made that sums up all the words I wanted to say, before I wrote this poem.
This was a blind bargain,
I called it when I met you,
It felt strange, this familiarity;
Like I knew you before you knew me.
Beginner's Luck got us so far.
You say your head's full of me;
My name in your mouth
Like pearls falling out,
You love so loudly, the whole world can hear.
This thing I'm feeling is bigger than myself.
I have a Gambling Problem.
I made deals with Delusion,
Tried to win with a losing hand and couldn't,
I gambled everything I had for everything I didn't.
Me, my Monte Carlo fallacy,
And you always coming back to me.
So I let the cards fall on the floor.
If we were set to win, we would've already.
We were down to the wire
When we got tangled in it.
Perhaps, I can only write about love
After I've lost it.
Yet, I wake, shaking-
On the moons I didn't gamble away,
Dancing around drunkenly,
In this dreadful drudgery of a parlay.
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